Saturday, June 24, 2006

We've got the purest balls of them all

I was going to blog about Purity Balls, but really this article does such an excellent job making fun of them, any attempt to improve upon it would be futile. Here are some teaser quotes:

Premarital sex is evil. Female sexuality must be, as ever, contained, repressed, shoved deep down lest it tempt men to sin like gleeful pagans licking ice cream from the pierced nipples of the devil. Girls do not know how to handle their own genitalia and therefore must be taught -- by their fathers, no less -- how to dilute their sexual power in order to attract a sexually unqualified, God-fearing husband. You know, same as it ever was.

Look, the plague of sexual incompetence plagues our land like a plague. It infects our schools, our popular culture, our presidential administration. The right endorses wanton sexual stupidity (and all ensuing miseries, drug addictions, divorces, stresses, gun fetishes, online porn obsessions) through failed abstinence programs, STD misinformation, refusal to support quality birth control and the relentless repetition of lies about sin and depravity and a shocking ignorance of the transformative spiritual power of sex.


And also, in the spirit of always being several months behind pop culture, I finally mixed Mentos and Diet Coke for the first time today. It works.

4 Comments:

At 4:14 PM, Blogger millhousethecat said...

Could you fix your links? Both go to the Diet Coke/Mentos borefest, I mean experiment and I'd really like to read about the purity balls (whatever the hell they are) --- you know, so I can blog about them in a week or two.

 
At 9:32 PM, Blogger Sweet Tea said...

Fixed!

 
At 11:11 PM, Blogger millhousethecat said...

See? That's much better. I thought for sure a purity ball was something I would have to insert for the optimal success. Now I know that if I buy a fancy dress and ask real nice-like, maybe you'll take me to one.

Seriously? This is flat-out disturbing.

 
At 10:45 AM, Blogger Sweet Tea said...

Yes! You can pledge to remain virginal and pure and I'll pledge to protect you from your carnal urges.

And then, when you think sinful thoughts, I'll spank your bare bottom while you call me "daddy"...no wait...this isn't pure anymore...must...think...about...Jesus...

 

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