First blood

Iran struck the first blow in its war against Israel, killing 80 of its own civilians with a low quality, out-of-date commercial airliner. Instead of buying airplanes from U.S.-based Boeing, the kind that actually do not incinerate upon landing, IranAir instead flies the Russian-made Tupolev that has a history of safety problems.

But don't worry, people of Iran, your government is protecting you. Trust me, you'd really hate this Western style of living where the biggest threat to your airline safety is suicidal Arab terrorists. You'll be much happier, as burning jet fuel melts your flesh, knowing that your goverment is standing up to U.S. and Israeli imperialism. Just imagine how much safer you'll be once they drop a nuclear warhead on Tel Aviv. But in the meantime, don't make any religious pilgrimages without an asbestos suit.

Three cheers for Jonathan Edington, a quiet computer geek who repeatedly stabbed the neighbor he suspected of sexually abusing his two-year-old daughter. The creep had been reported to the police already for exposing his genitals outside of their home, and convictions for child molesters are hard to come by, so this was the only way justice was going to be served.

My prediction: they don't find any hard evidence of the child molestation (it's nearly impossible to do, without DNA, since there are never any witnesses, and a two-year-old can't testify.) But they do find lots of suspicious behavior and reasons to believe that the molestation probably occurred. The case never comes to trial, since the prosecution would have to be scared they'd end up with someone like me on the jury. The charges are plea bargained down to involunatry manslaughter, and Jon spends less than a year in jail.

Wherever he goes while he's out on bail...to the mall, to the grocery store, back to work...he deserves a standing ovation. There are too many child-molesting creeps in the world, and the world's a better place now that there is one less. Imagine, if we all killed just one child molester, our kids would be a lot safer.