Monday, March 06, 2006

Hippie chimps

Looks like the list of living species is about to get shorter by one. The Congolese monkey known as the bonobo, or 'hippie chimp' for its peace-loving ways, is being hunted to extinction.

Here's a species of monkey described as both 'peace-loving' and 'tasty'. They greet each other with genital handshakes and have sex to settle disputes. Yet the female gives birth to exactly one offspring every five years. Why does this species sound like a mistake that Darwin's Law will soon correct? Do we really have an ecological responsibility to save creatures that are only slighted more suited to survival than the Screamapillar? Predators have been killing off Nature's mistakes for millions of years (or much less) so I'm not positive that the viability of the world's ecosystem is as stake here.

Surely the world could use more genital handshakes, not fewer, but is that enough reason alone to preserve the bonobo? Maybe we could worry instead about global warming, which we all know isn't real, but simply a myth perpetuated by the hippies at Greenpeace.

Meanwhile, tonight is the final game of my four-game suspension. Next week I'll be back in action, and I can't wait!


At 12:20 PM, Blogger millhousethecat said...

Do you think Greenpeace is responsible for Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, too? Damn hippies.

At 10:04 PM, Anonymous deppen said...

Genital handshakes?! Wow! Why couldn't I have been born into that branch of the tree?


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