Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Guilty as charged

For those of you who haven't had a vasectomy, standard procedure is to come back a couple months later, drop off a cup of man-juice, and have it checked for swimmers. Usually they ask you to come back more than once, to make sure that the pipes haven't reattached.

I went the first time, but I never did show up for my last date with the cup. It turns out that I have lots of company - about 80% of men that have vasectomies, in fact.

I'm not sure why the other guys didn't return, but I know why I didn't. As much as I love my two sweet children (you never know - maybe they'll grow up and read this someday), I'm really, really sure that I don't want any more kids. So I had motivation to ensure my lack of reproductivity.

But after having a needle inserted into my taint and both testicles, after feeling the scalpel against my scrotum ("You feel that?" the doctor asked. "Hmmm...odd.") and after smelling the burned flesh of my vas deferens, I'm just not entirely sure I want to know that I need another visit with Mr. Sharpy. Maybe if I just believe hard enough that everything worked out, it will.


At 2:16 PM, Anonymous deppen said...

Nice imagery. I'm having sympathy ball pains. Thanks a lot.

At 7:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cripes almighty Sweat Tea! Where did you have this procedure done? At the butcher counter at Karns by Joe the Ragpicker?

Guess I was lucky with mine. Mine was "not so bad" enough that if we ever wanted to have mine reversed I really wouldn't have a problem doing it.

But I guess the plumbing repair is all good or else you'd know by now....


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