OD for TO?

Terrel Owens reportedly attempted suicide last night, and I can't stop smiling about it. There are few people who are bigger narcissistic, self-promoting, backstabbers than TO. He finally took his self-destructive antics to a higher level, and chugged 35 painkillers in a lame (failed) attempt to do himself in. The only thing that could make this situation any funnier is if he'd actually succeeded.

Jerry Jones gave him $5 million in guaranteed money this offseason, and another couple million in salary, to be the Distraction in Dallas. Bill Parcells has resented him from the start...refusing to show up for his introductory press conference, and never referring to him by name (calling him only "the player"). He did such a good job of maginalizing him from the team that TO reacted in the only way left to him to create attention.

This story will be spun all sorts of ways in the next couple of days as the Rosenhaus brothers and Jerry Jones play damage control. But no matter how they spin it...how do the Cowboys expect him to be a productive football player who has a net positive effect on their team? TO is a cancer at his best, but still a major distraction when he's off his game. I won't be suprised at all to see him on the non-football injury list after this incident.

Jerry, you should have made a big pile of your $7 million and set it on fire. Your team would be better for it today.

And TO...better luck next time.

Roaches are people too

This requires no additional commentary.

Been working hard lately and playing Rome: Total War when I'm not. I'll get around to blogging again at some point, but for now I'm keeping busy without it.

And the winner is...

No one, we both suck.

I was 7-9 and the coin was 6-10. At least everything is consistent in my life right now...my stock picks, my football picks, and my hockey record (currently 1-2 and 0-3 in the two leagues.) Go me!

Week 2 picks

Thanks to a 2-0 Monday night, I managed to finish 8-8 (.500) ATS last week. That would have cost me 5% of my money, as the 10% "vig" gets paid on losses and ties. 8-8 just also happens to be the result you should achieve by flipping a coin, assuming the bookies have set up the spreads well.

So this week, I'm going to make my picks, and then flip a coin as well. My competition is a 1986 dime, minted in Philadelphia, that I found at the bottom of my desk drawer. No idea how long he could have been in there, or what his previous exposure to football includes, but I'm sure he'll be a worthy foe. When I flip, a result of "heads" will be a pick for the home team.

Oakland at Baltimore (-11.5) Oakland's offensive game plan on Monday night was the worst I've ever seen, and I've been watching the NFL for over 20 years. This team has the worst coaching staff in the league, and it will haunt them all season. My pick: Baltimore 31-0. Donnie the Dime: Oakland +11.5

Houston at Indianapolis (-13.5) The Colts find their running game and their pass rush this week, and that's bad news for the Texans. My pick: Indianapolis 34-20. Donnie: Indy -13.5

Cleveland at Cincinnati (-10.5) Kellen Winslow Jr. guaranteed that the Browns would beat the Bengals this weekend. George Bush Jr. is more likely to be invited to join the Mensa society. My pick: Cincinnati 21-10. Donnie: Cleveland +10.5

Buffalo at Miami (-6.5) New England ran all over the Bills last week as they were coming back from a 10-point deficit. Miami will pound the ball from the start with Ronnie Brown. Miami 20-10. Donnie: Buffalo +6.5

Detroit (+9) at Chicago Chicago's the better team, but Detroit will keep it close. After winning 27-0 last week, the Bears will come out a little overconfident and flat. Chicago 17-16. Donnie: Chicago -9

Carolina (+1) at Minnesota Carolina is in trouble after losing their left tackle for the season, and their middle LB for an indefinite amount of time (I think Morgan's career is over.) But they are too well-coached to start 0-2, and Minnesota's not really talented enough to start 2-0. Carolina 24-21. Donnie: Carolina +1

NY Giants (+3) at Philadelphia I know I picked Philly to win the NFC East, but after watching the Giants run the ball last week, and play run defense, I'm really scared. I'm not counting on the Giants to beat themselves two weeks in a row. I'll take the Giants with the points, but I can still dream that Eagles pull out a close one. Philly 24-23. Donnie: Philly -3

Tampa Bay (+5.5) at Atlanta Little known fact: 2/3 teams that are shut out in the NFL come back to win the next week. Since I didn't pick the Raiders to win, that means I'm picking Tampa and Green Bay. Tampa is a well-coached team that's much better than they showed against Baltimore. They have a history of containing Vick, and Atlanta has injuries on defense. Tampa bounces back to win, 19-16. Donnie: Tampa +5.5

New Orleans at Green Bay (+2.5) The football gods have smiled on me with this line. Forced to pick Green Bay for statistical reasons, I at least have the comfort of getting 2.5 points at home. Green Bay did manage to beat New Orleans 51-3 last year, so maybe I'll get lucky again. Green Bay 21-20. Donnie: New Orleans -2.5

St. Louis (-3) at San Francisco Half of the 49ers wins last season were thanks to a sweep of the Rams. But that awful coaching staff has been replaced, and this time, the Rams will be ready to play. They kick nine FGs and win 27-10. Donnie: St. Louis -3

Arizona at Seattle (-7) I'd take the Seahawks at home if I had to give twice as many points. Seattle 31-3. Donnie: Seattle -7

New England (-6) at NY Jets New England's bad personnel moves over the last two seasons are starting to catch up with them. But the Jets aren't ready for prime time. New England 21-14. Donnie like the Jets +6.

Tennessee at San Diego (-11.5) This is a good spread, because I don't want either end of it. I could see Phillip Rivers throwing a couple picks as the Titans have one of those bounceback games where they lead the whole way then somehow lose in the end. But that means I'd have to bet on Kerry Collins, and I'm not drunk enough for that. San Diego 17-3. Donnie: Tennessee +11.5

Kansas City at Denver (-10.5) I could be wrong, but I think it's been about five years since the Chiefs have won at Mile High. Add to that the fact they are starting Damon Huard (honestly, I didn't know this guy was still in the NFL til last week) and the Broncos will be pissed about losing to St. Louis last week...Denver 28-10. Donnie: Denver -10.5

Washington (+6) at Dallas I think Dallas is going to win this game, but six points is too much to lay in a rivalry this intense. Dallas 24-20. Donnie: Dallas -6

Pittsburgh (-1.5) at Jacksonville If this game was played Sunday afternoon, I'd take their Jags. But Bill Cowher owns the #3 all-time winning percentage on Monday night, behind only George Seifert and Tom Flores. The last time these teams met in prime time, it was one of the most physical football games you'll ever see, and Pittsburgh squeaked out a 17-16 victory. Expect something similar this time. Pittsburgh 19-17. Donnie: Pittsburgh -1.5

A Real WMD

Just read about this today, but apparently back in February, this supernova was visible from Earth. This star exploded 470 million years ago, and the light from that event is just reaching us now.

This explosion was so massive, the light it generated was brighter than the 100 billion stars in the rest of its galaxy combined. The gamma-ray burst of this supernova, normally measured in seconds, lasted for 33 minutes. It was the first supernova with a gamma-ray burst of that duration to be found closer than the "deep field" which is billions of light years away.

If there was any life, intelligent or otherwise, in that galaxy or any nearby galaxy - it was exposed to levels of radiation that make life (as we know it, anyway) impossible. The two closest recorded supernovas to Earth, 180 light-years and 1500 light-years respectively, both roughly coincided with major extinctions on our planet. While it's impossible to say whether or not they were the cause, the possibility is definitely there. And both these supernovas had the garden-variety gamma-burst - a few seconds at most. If the one observed back in February would have happened that close to Earth, the 33 minutes of intense radiation would have not only killed all life on our planet, but likely would have altered the atmosphere and climate to the point that life would never be possible here again.

It is interesting to think about these sorts of cosmic events in terms of extraterrestrial life. I'm a believer in the statistics of life on other planets, even intelligent life. But even if the universe is teeming with living organisms, the odds of running into those other organisms has to be infinitely small.

We haven't developed the technology yet to travel to Jupiter, let alone out of our own solar system or galaxy. But we're well on the way to wiping ourselves out with either war or global warming. How many intelligent species fall prey to themselves, or to cosmic events like supernovas, before they ever venture deep into space? How many species did actually travel into space, and then died off anyway? How many species will travel into space, long after humans are extinct?

Self-conscious brains tend to assume that their own species, even their own consciousness, will exist indefinitely. But logically, we know that can't be the case. How long will humans be alive on Earth, with the technology to travel to other galaxies? Zero years? Ten-thousand, or one-hundred-thousand years? Before some comet crashes into the planet, or some gamma-burst fries our ozone layer? Assuming the universe has been around for billions and billions of years, and will be around for billions more...what are the odds that two space-faring species, with lifespans of 100,000 years, will even exist at the same time, let alone find each other across the vastness of space?

I know this isn't exactly original thinking...greater minds than mine have explored these avenues before, and no doubt expressed their ideas more eloquently than me. But it's still interesting to think about, and hopefully for the non-football-oriented readers of this blog, a refreshing break!

Week 1 review

Ah, Sunday. The day that my children cower in fear as daddy screams obscenities at the TV.

New coaches were 5-2 ATS in their first games with new teams. Nick Saban and Mike Nolan won their first games last season also, so perhaps there's a trend here that could be uncovered with a little research. That sounds like work, though.

Let's see how my picks fared:

Pittsburgh 28, Miami 17 My pick: Miami +1 loss
Daunte Culpepper played like Charlie Batch, and Charlie Batch played like Peyton Manning.

St. Louis 18, Denver 10 My pick: Denver -4 loss
Jake Plummer was the best player for the Rams this game, completing nearly as many passes to the blue-and-gold as Marc Bulger. St. Louis played fantastic defense, putting a ton of pressure on Plummer and forcing him into mistakes.

NY Jets 23, Tennessee 16 My pick: Tennessee -2.5 loss
Since the day they locked Steve McNair out of the practice facility, the Titans have bungled their QB situation. Bringing in Kerry Collins off the street and starting him after less than two weeks with the team was not a recipe for success.

New England 19, Buffalo 17 My pick: New England -9.5 loss
The legions of Bill Belichick ass-kissers (LoBBAK) will tell you that the Patriots found a way to win. But in actuality, JP Losman found a way to lose, and the Patriots just happened to be the beneficiary.

Baltimore 27, Tampa Bay 0 My pick: Baltimore +3 win
Is Baltimore this good, or is Tampa this bad? More of the latter than the former, I'm guessing, because the Bucs OL is just terrible. They need to get healthy and get better in a hurry.

Cincinnati 23, Kansas City 10 My pick: Cincinnati +2.5 win
KC's offensive line is a joke. The Bengals got seven sacks, Trent Green was nearly decapitated, and KC's defense had to play well just to keep it this close. Over/under on number of teammates who call Willie Roaf this week: 25.

Seattle 9, Detroit 6 My pick: Seattle -6 loss
Detroit's defensive line played out of their minds. This might be a better team than I gave them credit for. Seattle nearly lost back-to-back games in the Motor City.

Atlanta 20, Carolina 6 My pick: Carolina -5.5 loss
A smallish defense did get pushed around by a physical OL, but it was the other way around than I expected. Carolina sucked on defense, and they sucked on offense. Unless Carolina figures out how to stop the run, they're going to have a tough time winning in their division.

Philadephia 24, Houston 10 My pick: Philadelphia -5 win
Yeah, I was nervous in the first quarter. I've never seen David Carr look so sharp. But once the Eagles got some pressure on him, things started to go their way.

New Orleans 19, Cleveland 14 My pick: New Orleans +3 win
Cleveland's offense is really, really bad. They couldn't run, at home, against a soft defense, and Charlie Frye looked terrible. At least Brady Quinn will only have to drive 5 hours to his new home.

Jacksonville 24, Dallas 17 My pick: Dallas +2 loss
The Cowboys won't lose a lot of games this year, but when they do, this is what they'll look like. Drew Bledsoe makes bad throws when he's under pressure, and the OL was overmatched by Jacksonville's DL. Kudos to the Jags for winning a big game.

Chicago 29, Green Bay 0 My pick: Chicago -3.5 win
Glad you came back, Brett?

Arizona 34, San Francisco 27 My pick: Arizona -8 loss
Trailing by 10 points with 1:08 remaining, Mike Nolan elected to kick a field goal. Way to cover the spread, Mike.

Indianapolis 26, NY Giants 21 My pick: Indy -3.5 win
The Giants outplayed the Colts for most of this game, but managed to give it away with stupid mistakes (and a horrible penalty call by the officials.) I'll take it, but the Eagles should be really scared after watching this tape. The Giants' weakest areas, OL and run defense, were both strengths against the Colts.

So I'm at 6-8 with two games left tonight. That's why I don't bet on sports...a coin flip could kick my ass. With two games left tonight, I have an outside chance to pull even with mediocrity.

NFL Week One

I completely lost interest in writing up NFL previews (surprise!) but here are my thoughts on the Steelers, for Deppen:

In a division where every team improved, the Steelers got worse. I know they still have a lot of talent, and they will win a lot of battles in the trenches...but I can't see how a team that went 10-6 last year (including four cakewalks against the NFC North) can maintain that same record after losing their starting nose tackle, starting safety, starting wide receiver, and short-yardage back...especially with a tougher schedule. Bill Cowher is the best coach in football (don't count me among the legions of Bill Belichick ass-kissers...if he doesn't stumble upon a Hall of Fame QB in the sixth round, and they don't win a playoff game on the worst ruling in NFL history, he's the defensive coordinator on the Dolphins right now) but I can't logically make a case for this team being better, or even as good as last season. I see them at 8-8 or 9-7, third in the division.

Now, to amuse myself and risk further "public" humiliation, here are my picks against the spreads for Week 1.

Miami at Pittsburgh (-1) - I've no idea what to expect from Miami this season, but I know this much: Charlie Batch sucks. Both defenses will be able to confuse the QBs and cause mistakes. In a game of turnovers, I should take the defense with Troy Palomalu, but then again...Charlie Batch. Miami 17-14.

Denver (-4) at St. Louis - The Rams will be better now that the mismanagement of Mike Martz moved to Motown (hey Manns, can I play too?), but Denver is a really, really good team. St. Louis won't even come close to stopping the run, and Denver's defense is fast. Denver 28-13.

NY Jets at Tennessee (-2.5) - I shouldn't have to pick either one of these teams. The Jets have a disastrous offensive line, a four-headed RB-by-committee situation (ie: they all suck), and only one of their defensive players should be starting in the NFL. Tennessee, meanwhile, has signed some good players in the offseason, but is trying desperately to sabotage themselves by making an absolute travesty out of their QB situation. Forced to differentiate between these pseudo-competitors, I like the matchup of the Titans' DL against the Jets' OL. Tennessee 13-10.

Buffalo at New England (-9.5) - New England has problems on defense. Too bad Buffalo doesn't have an NFL-quality OL or QB. New England 31-17.

Baltimore at Tampa Bay (-3) - This game's a tossup. Expect a lot of defense and a close finish. I'll take Steve McNair in the two-minute drill over Chris Simms. Baltimore 17-16.

Cincinnati at Kansas City (-2.5) - I keep picking road teams, which is a pretty good indicator that I'm in for a disastrous week. But I'm not stopping here! Cincinnati is better than KC...a lot better. I can't wait to see the Chiefs "defense" attempt to stop Rudi Johnson and Carson Palmer. Cincinnati 41-24.

Seattle (-6) at Detroit - Home dogs tend to do well against the spread. But I'm still taking Seattle, who is better than Detroit at every single position. Can you name one Detroit player that could start on the Seahawks? I can't. Seattle 35-10.

Atlanta at Carolina (-5.5) - Atlanta always seems to find a way to beat Carolina. I'm not sure why...they have a small defense that should get pushed around by a physical OL. (No, I'm not impressed by the signing of Grady Jackson.) John Abraham will be a force on third-and-long, but I'll be shocked if Carolina sees many of those situations. Carolina 27-20.

Philadelphia (-5) at Houston - See Seattle at Detroit. Maybe one player (Andre Johnson) on the Texans could start for the Eagles. One DL and maybe two OL would even make the Eagles' 53-man roster, and that would be as prospects only. Houston will be a better team this year, especially later in the season. But right now, the Eagles are in a different league. Philadelphia 34-13.

New Orleans at Cleveland (-3) - Yuck. Cleveland's DBs are a MASH unit, so expect New Orleans to spread the field with their talented receivers...Oops, they just traded one of those talented receivers to the Eagles! Still, you have to like the matchup of Reggie Bush against Cleveland's third safety, who will be the nickel DB. New Orleans 20-17.

Dallas at Jacksonville (-2) - This should be a tough matchup for Dallas, because the Jags have the best DL in football, and the OL for Dallas is a question mark. On offense, the Jags are very physical and will be content to pound the ball against Dallas' very fast but smallish defense. Parcells isn't stupid, though...he'll have a safety or two in the box and dare Leftwich to beat his defense through the air. I really don't have a lot of faith in Jacksonville...they are talented but find ways to lose against good teams. I like the Jags in the trenches, but Dallas is better everywhere else. Just a gut feeling: Dallas 24-17.

Chicago (-3.5) at Green Bay - Chicago's defense is overrated...they dominate bad teams and get pushed around by good teams (e.g. Carolina and Pittsburgh). Chicago's offense is adept at sucking monkey balls, and not much else. Green Bay will still make them look like a Super Bowl team. Chicago 16-3.

San Francisco at Arizona (-8) - Every year, I think Arizona will get better, and every year they look like the Cardinals all over again. But even last year's edition managed to beat the 49ers twice. Arizona 28-14.

NY Giants at Indianapolis (-3.5) - A fantastic game featuring two of the best teams in the NFL. I really like the matchup of Tiki Barber against the Colts' defense, but I can't pick against Peyton Manning at home. Indianapolis 28-24.

Minnesota at Washington (-4.5) - Neither team is good enough to win this game, but both teams are quite capable of losing. This game will be ugly to watch, but someone has to win, right? There's about one tie in the NFL every three years. I'll take the Vikings and the points. Final score: 6-6.

San Diego (-3) at Oakland - Great idea, NFL, with the double-header on Monday night that no one outside of SoCal will care about. And with the convenient 10:15 start time, the ratings should rival U.S. Open tennis. Oakland is a terrible team, and San Diego's front seven will dominate their OL and force Aaron Brooks into horrible turnovers (not that he needs a lot of forcing.) San Diego 24-10.

NFC East Preview

I'm not sure I'll have the energy to write up all the previews I expected to, but I'll try to at least hit the Eagles and the Steelers.

A general note, first: From year to year in today's NFL, half or more of the teams in the playoffs did not make the playoffs the year before. And there's usually at least two teams from each conference that come back from 5- or 6- win seasons to take a division. Most 'expert' predictions are simply a rehash of last year's playoff teams, which is statistically doomed to failure, but is a safe way to avoid looking foolish. Well, I have no such qualms about looking foolish, so you may see some predictions that look strange based on last year's results.

Also, injuries play a huge part in how teams finish, and they cannot be predicted. I'll use the 'injury' excuse liberally when I asses how my predictions turn out at the end of the season.

NFC East:

Philadelphia Eagles
NY Giants
Dallas Cowboys
Washington Redskins

Philadelphia Eagles

Strengths: DL, OL, QB, DB
Darren Howard is a huge addition to this defensive line. He is a solid run-stuffer, and when he moves inside on passing downs, the Eagles are going to have one of the best pass-rushing front fours in the NFL. Cole, Kearse, and Howard are all capable of double-digit sacks, and defenses will have to pick their poison when choosing who to single block. Bunkley is a beast inside, with strength to bull rush and quickness to step around blocks. The increased heat from up front will help the secondary round back into Pro Bowl form.
Weaknesses: RB, LB
Westbrook is a huge matchup problem for defenses when healthy. Buckhalter is an effective runner between the tackles, when healthy. If both these guys manage to stay on the field for most of the season, the Eagles will be in great shape, but history shows that they can't. Trotter is one of the best MLBs in the game, but the Eagles are weak at OLB.
Prediction: First in the NFC East, by a hair. This division is extremely close, but I give the Eagles the edge because they have the best QB and the softest schedule.

Dallas Cowboys

Strengths: WR, TE, DL, LB
The addition of Adell at LB has been highly underrated. He's a tackling machine who can run from sideline to sideline. Overall, the Cowboys have the fastest and most athletic defense in the division. Offensively they have a ton of weapons, and are capable of scoring 40 points against teams with a below-average pass rush.
Weaknesses: OL, DB
The Boys have done very little in the offseason to improve a line that gave up 50 sacks last season. With so many weapons on offense, they only need to play average football to score points, but I'm not sure they are capable. The back end of the defense is weak once again, but with such a good pass rush, they won't be exposed often.
Prediction: Second in the NFC East. Will compete for a wild card spot and could easily win the division if their OL steps up.

New York Giants

Strengths: RB, TE, DE, S
The Giants have the best DEs in football. Kiwanuka has come on strong, and he'll provide solid support for both Strahan and Osi. The addition of Will Demps gives the Giants one of the best safety tandems in the league. This offense, assuming Eli continues to progress, can be frightening.
Weaknesses: OL, DT
If you're starting Luke Petitgout at tackle, you'll be holding your breath on pass plays all season long. The Giants lack anyone at all to play DT, which means that Antonio Pierce will have to fight to get off blocks. Expect to watch teams pound the ball inside against them, neutralizing the speed of their DEs and taking advantage of the huge hole there.
Prediction: Third in the NFC East. They're as good as the Eagles and Cowboys, but they also have the toughest schedule. Will compete for the wild card, and could easily win the division if they get a few breaks.

Washington Redskins

Strengths: Coaching, OL
Gregg Williams and Al Saunders are two of the best coordinators in football. Although the team seems to be struggling to pick up the new offense so far, expect them to improve their play as the season progresses. The OL is solid, but not deep. If they can stay healthy, they are the best OL in the division.
Weaknesses: QB, DL
Mark Brunell is old, and he played like it at the end of last season. Expect to see more of the same. Behind him are career backup Todd Collins and yet-to-play-in-the-NFL Jason Campbell. The DL doesn't scare anyone...they've been run all over in the preseason, and aren't a threat to rush the passer. Gregg Williams will have to blitz to generate pressure, which means the defense will give up some big plays. I don't buy the hype of the offseason signings...their major additions were a WR with 35 catches (Randle El), a WR with an attitude problem (Brandon Lloyd) who played on the worst passing offense in the league, a mediocre safety from the 30th-ranked defense (Archuleta), and a mediocre DE from the 32nd-ranked defense (Carter).
Prediction: Last in the NFC East, by a mile.

Cutdown day

53-man rosters were due by 6pm tonight, and the Eagles' submission had a few surprises.

• C/G Hank Fraley wasn't on the list, because he was traded to the Cleveland Browns for a conditional draft pick. As much as I like Fraley, I understand the move. The coaching staff felt they had a player in rookie Nick Cole, and Fraley at least had some trade value. I don't know the terms of the deal, but I hope they at least got a fourth-rounder for Fraley. He's an instant starter in Cleveland.
  
• FB Josh Parry was also traded for a conditional draft pick to Seattle. I have to imagine it will be a sixth or seventh. This is a great move, as Tapeh had outplayed him anyway.
  
• The Eagles kept five receivers, cutting loose both Jabar Gaffney and Darnarien McCants. Gaffney never panned out - when they signed him, he was the most experienced receiver on their roster - and McCants seems to have been caught in a nubmers game. He could not have performed any better in camp and pre-season.
  
• LBs Dedrick Roper and Torrance Daniels were cut, which is rather shocking after the Simoneau deal. The Eagles have a grand total of six LBs on their roster. Trotter, McCoy, and Jones are the starters, backed up by Barber and Gaither. Jason Short is a special-teamer only. I'm guessing they will try to sign Daniels to the practice squad, and he'll be the first one to step in if there are any injuries to this thin position.
  
• They kept five halfbacks, another surprise, as they generally keep only four. Bruce Perry avoids a visit from the Turk, although I'm not entirely sure why. I'd have preferred to see Roper, Strickland, or McCants have this spot.
  
• Ten OL made the roster, when I thought they might go with as few as eight. Did they really keep Scott Young and Pat McCoy?
  
• J.R. Reed's comeback ended today, and while it's a shame, I'm glad they cut him instead of Quentin Mikell.
  
• If you're only keeping four safeties though, I'd keep five corners. Strickland or Ware should be on this roster, instead of Perry, Young, or McCoy. I don't like the thinness of this position, and there aren't any good candidates for the practice squad.
  

Overall, you have to be really impressed with the Eagles' front office this season, for the job they did with the rookie class. Every draft pick made the team (Bloom and Gocong are on IR, so they don't really count, but still...) as well as two undrafted free agents. Bunkley will be starting on Sunday, Justice is the primary backup at both OT spots, Avant and Baskett were good enough to make a pair of veteran WRs expendable, Omar Gaither played so well the Eagles traded away Mark Simoneau, LaJuan Ramsey took a roster spot away from Ed Jasper, and Nick Cole made the Hank Fraley trade possible. Compare this rookie class to Pittsburgh, for instance, who cut four of their 2006 draft picks today. Ouch.

Meanwhile, there are some interesting names looking for work, and I'd bring them in to kick their tires:

• RBs Lee Suggs, Ron Dayne, Moe Williams, and Najeh Davenport: For my money, any one of these guys could have Reno Mahe's roster spot, or Bruce Perry's. All have had injury problems, but all can be effective starters when healthy.
  
• WRs Darius Watts, Skyler Green, and Charles Rogers: Watts was supposed to be the #3 receiver in Denver, his cut is the most stunning one I've seen today. He shouldn't be looking for a job for long. Skyler Green is raw, but a real burner. Dallas will likely sign him to their practice squad if no one else picks him up. And Charles Rogers may be a head case, but I'd be willing to give a second chance to someone with kind of talent.
  
• Ray Mickens was cut by the Jets. I'd love to see him signed, but he'll probably cost way too much money to be a fourth CB. Some team will snap him up and insert him as a nickel corner right away.
  

Movie Review: Superman Sucks

Uh, I guess the title is actually Superman Returns, but my version seems more apropos.

Other than the cool opening scene, where Supe catches a plane in a baseball stadium, the most exciting parts were the five races to the bathroom I had with my son. (Yes, he had to piss five times during the movie.)

There are about two scenes in the movie where he acts like Superman, and about 38 scenes where he acts like Lois Lane's pouty, jilted boyfriend. (Waaaaah - I disappeared without a word for five years, and now you're banging someone else, my life sucks so much.)

Kevin Spacey would have made a great Lex Luthor, if his character had a single interesting thing to say. Lois Lane's flame has as much screentime, and he's a real dynamic character. Actually, he's not. No one is. It has all the deep romance, subtle emotions, and unexpected twists of a Sweet Valley High novel (not that I'd know first hand, I swear!)

Wow, Lois Lane is pissed that he left without a word (duh) then he takes he for a flying tour of the city, and she's in love again (duh) and oh look, the kid that she swears isn't his just threw a piano across the room (duh) and OH MY FUCKING GOD WHEN DOES IT STOP PLEASE MAKE IT STOP GOD MY EYES ARE BLEEDING AND What's that son, you have to go to the bathroom again? Let's race!

On a side note...how'd you like to be the dude competing with Superman for a chick's love? I'm pretty sure I'd cut my losses and start casting my line in a different stream. I mean yeah, he can fly, and bullets bounce off him, and he lives in a crystal palace at the North Pole, and he could probably have sex for three days straight, but I, uh, I can...uh...yeah...have a nice life and stuff.

First blood

Iran struck the first blow in its war against Israel, killing 80 of its own civilians with a low quality, out-of-date commercial airliner. Instead of buying airplanes from U.S.-based Boeing, the kind that actually do not incinerate upon landing, IranAir instead flies the Russian-made Tupolev that has a history of safety problems.

But don't worry, people of Iran, your government is protecting you. Trust me, you'd really hate this Western style of living where the biggest threat to your airline safety is suicidal Arab terrorists. You'll be much happier, as burning jet fuel melts your flesh, knowing that your goverment is standing up to U.S. and Israeli imperialism. Just imagine how much safer you'll be once they drop a nuclear warhead on Tel Aviv. But in the meantime, don't make any religious pilgrimages without an asbestos suit.

Three cheers for Jonathan Edington, a quiet computer geek who repeatedly stabbed the neighbor he suspected of sexually abusing his two-year-old daughter. The creep had been reported to the police already for exposing his genitals outside of their home, and convictions for child molesters are hard to come by, so this was the only way justice was going to be served.

My prediction: they don't find any hard evidence of the child molestation (it's nearly impossible to do, without DNA, since there are never any witnesses, and a two-year-old can't testify.) But they do find lots of suspicious behavior and reasons to believe that the molestation probably occurred. The case never comes to trial, since the prosecution would have to be scared they'd end up with someone like me on the jury. The charges are plea bargained down to involunatry manslaughter, and Jon spends less than a year in jail.

Wherever he goes while he's out on bail...to the mall, to the grocery store, back to work...he deserves a standing ovation. There are too many child-molesting creeps in the world, and the world's a better place now that there is one less. Imagine, if we all killed just one child molester, our kids would be a lot safer.