Hitman: Movie Review

Hardly worthy of a review, Hitman is exactly as bad as you'd expect it to be, possibly even a little worse.

It is so inanely generic and formulaic that it defies commentary. The movie lightly brushes against your senses while consistently failing to make an impression. Once the flick was over, JC and I chatted for nearly an hour, and the topic of the movie we had just seen didn't come up once. It's that memorable.

Not that a formulaic action movie is necessarily bad. I wasn't expecting to witness an Oscar-worthy drama. I relish brainless explosion flicks like The Transporter or Chronicles of Riddick almost as much as Homer Simpson enjoys raspberry-swirl donuts with a double glaze.

But Hitman lacks something essential: the swaggering hero who personifies cool and oozes danger. Timothy Olyphant - either through his fault or the script's, I'm not sure it makes any difference - is not convincing in the role of smartly-dressed genetically-engineered killer. He also lacks the charisma to carry the movie through the familiar forest of stock characters and recycled plot lines. His often-naked female sidekick is suitably hot, but not nearly special enough to make a wave in this drab ocean.

I never played the video game, but I doubt it would have made any difference. I was hoping for watchable trash, but Hitman can only aspire to such mediocrity.