Chalky-skinned burlap sack

My favorite Family Guy episode was on again last night. Barely Legal.

Family Guy is one of those shows that is very hit-or-miss for me. I can watch three in a row and barely crack a smile, and then the next one will have me waking up my kids with uncontrollable laughter. I'm not someone who wants to argue with you about how derivative or unoriginal you think the show is...sometimes it's pretty fucking funny, so I watch it.

I'd love to link the video, but in spite of several sites claiming to have it streaming for free, I couldn't find one where it actually loads. So you just get text instead. (This clip is from the same episode, but it's the wrong scene.)

This quote from Barely Legal is pure genius. I can't recall a funnier line on any television show, ever.

Brian Griffin: [drunk] Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving hand jobs when you were 12. But now, you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body is used up by age 19, you're gonna be a worn-out, chalky-skinned, burlap sack that even your stepdad won't want. How's that? Am I in the ballpark?

Second place for Funniest Family Guy Line goes to this discussion between the family dog (Brian) and the baby (Stewie.) Coincidentally, it concerns Connie again.

Stewie: "Do you know that I've got a date with Connie Demico this Saturday night at Anal Point?"

Brian: "Ah. I've heard about that place."

Stewie: "Really? What's it like? ‘Cause I have no idea."

Brian: "Well uh, I suppose if you imagine it like a parking space that you think 'gosh there's no way I'm going to be able to fit in there' but then you fold in the side view mirrors and sure enough, well look at that."

Stewie: "Well in that scenario it sounds like I'd rather be the parking space than the car."

Brian: "Yeah, that's what I've always guessed."

Oddly enough, the very same quotes that I think are hilarious are used by parentstv.org to prove that it's the worst show on televsion. I guess not everyone finds it funny.